It's been a busy 6 months and it's not going to stop any time soon...
Last Fall, my husband was given the opportunity to participate in a Master's Degree program through work. We talked it over, weighed the pros (free Master's from UCSD, educational advancement, potential career advancement) and cons (we're going to have a new baby in the house, extra work, less time at home), and decided that it would be better for him to participate now than in the future when we have an even crazier schedule and, possibly, more kids.
As a result, he now has his full time job working 40+ hours a week AND his 16-32 hours of class time, depending on the week AND ever-changing homework time commitments AND individual finals due every 4 weeks AND group finals due every 4 weeks! Throw in his commute time and as you can imagine, he's not able to be home very much right now...
When he is home, there are bills to be paid, finances to update, honey-do lists to tackle, kids to play with, and a wife to steal a hug and kiss from.
This ridiculous schedule will not calm down until June, when his classes are over. And things will not be back to "normal" until September, when the Master's program is complete.
Meanwhile, I am with the boys. A toddler and an infant. All the time. By myself. *sigh*
There are days at a time when he only sees the boys for an hour each morning. There are days at a time when he doesn't see them at all... I know it's been hard for him. I know it's been hard for me. And I know it's been hard for Monkey. Budsy's too little to know the difference.
I'm trying really hard not to bother him with extra stuff or ask too much of him.
I'm trying really hard not to feel resentful of his "freedom" on my tough days.
I'm trying really hard not to make him feel guiltier than he already does about not being home.
Had we known what we were really getting into, would our decision have been different? I don't know...
I just wish he was able to be here more. I wish he had more energy to play with the boys. I wish he could have a break. I wish I could have a break.
We keep reminding each other that this will ultimately be what's best for our family... But it's really hard right now.
Hard is not forever.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you both are dealing with a lot right now. Enjoy any and all precious free time you have and this soon will pass.... xo
At least we know that the program is totally over at the end of August - there is a light at the end of this tunnel! I'm also lucky enough to have my sister nearby to help out a bit, and my parents or in-laws come visit every couple of weeks, which gives me a little time to myself.
DeleteI totally feel your pain. Jerry commutes to L.A every day for his job, and one of his two days off he works our store in Solana. I don't know if you want her info, but I just found an AMAZING babysitter that watches the kids every Friday morning so i can go running or surf. A year ago I would have told you that was throwing money away, but when your partner can't provide any relief it is pretty much a necessity! Hang in there, Mama. You are doing great!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Shelby! There are so many of us in similar situations right now, it's crazy! I think it must come with the territory of being a single income family in a tough economy... you have to do what you have to do, I guess. I may take you up on that sitter once the baby gets a little older and I can leave him for a few hours at a time.
DeleteI forgot you probably haven't introduced a bottle yet because Ryan in so little. I hope you are feeling better and enjoy your little men. When I feel like I am struggling I just force myself to slow down and TRY not to worry so much. If a chore didn't get done or the kids didn't get bathed one night then so be it. Also take those babies on a walk to the park. I always feel better after getting my vitamin D and some exercise :)
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