Here's to April!

March has been a jam-packed month for us - I'll be so happy when it's over.

We've had doctor appointments, dentist appointments, hair appointments, preschool tours, sports classes, music classes, Master's classes, visitors, and visitings.

I'm tired. I'm cranky. I'm hungry. I'm going crazy listening to the whirring engine of the "moving Thomas" that went under the couch where I can't reach it - 2 hours ago!

Budsy is still doing his weird wake-up-every-couple-of-hours thing, so my sleep is sporadic. We're working on it, but sleep training has it's own set of frustrations. Lack of sleep, of course, leads to my crankiness...

We have almost no food in the house. I am not exaggerating. Our fridge is so sad right now - four containers of yogurt, fixings for quesadillas, and half a bag of salad, but no salad dressing. We ran out of milk at dinner... I desperately need to go to the grocery store, but it's really difficult to do a full shopping trip with both kids, one of which is in the middle of potty training. So I have to wait for the husband to get home and then I get to drag my tired, cranky butt to the store at 9:30 at night.

And despite all of the craziness that has been our month, I feel bored...

We try to do something everyday - usually something that should take about an hour - but somehow it's all I get done all day! I don't know how it happens, but it does. I swear. We're not out of the house until 10:00. It takes a half hour to get anywhere and everywhere. We stay for an hour or so, then head home - another half hour. Now it's 12:00 and time for lunch. After lunch it's nap time. By the time Monkey is up from his nap, it's time to start dinner. After dinner, Budsy goes down for the night. Then it's Monkey's turn. The next thing I know, it's 9:30 at night and time to go to the grocery store!

Enough already! I'm ready to get out of this rut...

I know things will be better as soon as we get a handle on the potty training and I'm confident enough to really go out and about again. Meanwhile, it's just hard. I miss my friends. I miss going to the park. I miss Target.

So, here's to April... may it bring me a bit of sleep, some time with friends, and a regularly stocked refrigerator!

Potty Training *gulp*

Monkey has been ready for potty training for some time now. He's been verbally ready for over a year. He's been physically ready for a good eight months. We've been using the potty on and off for about six months. The hestitation has been on my part.

I didn't want to mess with the mess. The wet pee clothes, the disgusting poop underwear, the constant need to ask if he needed to go... I thought diapers were, well, easier.

He was probably truly ready back in September, but there were already big changes happening in his life. First, we went from a toddler bed to a big kid bed. Then, we were going to be going on a couple of weekend trips. Then it was November and the baby was coming. The timing just wasn't right...

And now, here we are. Diapers are no longer easier. Trying to wrestle a 32 pound, kicking, screaming, wriggling, defiant toddler out of and then back in to a diaper should be an Olympic sport. Plus, I'm already changing 10ish infant diapers a day. I don't need any additional diaper duty.

I decided to work with the momentum of a weekend around Monkey's cousin D. D is 9 months older than Monkey and Monkey basically wants to grow up to be D. Seriously. If I want Monkey to do something, I simply tell him that D does it. Luckily, D is a potty-using rockstar. So, when Monkey said he wanted to use the potty on Monday, I went with it and made my most recent major parenting decision.

Tuesday, March 20th, 2012 - remember the date. The start of some serious potty training.

So far, it's been a 2-steps-forward-1-step-back kind of journey. We've had a few pee accidents, but they seem to have subsided (for now). We had 2 days of pooping in the potty. Then my biggest potty training fear materialized. Yes, it was gross. No, thank God, we weren't really out and about - we were at my very understanding sister's house. Yes, I had to give him a bath. And now, we haven't had any pooping AT ALL for 2 days. *sigh*

In just 5 days, I've run a gamut of emotions.

Pride, joy, elation - he finally did it! This experience has reminded me how everything is new and exciting for a child. Monkey was so happy with himself on Tuesday, I wanted to cry...

Frustation, anger, irritation - he was just doing it! This has been a huge test of my patience as a mom.

I can only imagine how Monkey feels... One minute he's racing to the bathroom with a grin on his face, yelling about having to go pee pee, and then the next minute, he's throwing a fit because I won't put a diaper on him. His life as he's known it for the last 33 months has changed. Majorly.

For now, we're taking it one day at a time. I know this is the only way to do it.

I also know there's no turning back.



His Busy Life

It's been a busy 6 months and it's not going to stop any time soon...

Last Fall, my husband was given the opportunity to participate in a Master's Degree program through work. We talked it over, weighed the pros (free Master's from UCSD, educational advancement, potential career advancement) and cons (we're going to have a new baby in the house, extra work, less time at home), and decided that it would be better for him to participate now than in the future when we have an even crazier schedule and, possibly, more kids.

As a result, he now has his full time job working 40+ hours a week AND his 16-32 hours of class time, depending on the week AND ever-changing homework time commitments AND individual finals due every 4 weeks AND group finals due every 4 weeks! Throw in his commute time and as you can imagine, he's not able to be home very much right now...

When he is home, there are bills to be paid, finances to update, honey-do lists to tackle, kids to play with, and a wife to steal a hug and kiss from.

This ridiculous schedule will not calm down until June, when his classes are over. And things will not be back to "normal" until September, when the Master's program is complete.

Meanwhile, I am with the boys. A toddler and an infant. All the time. By myself. *sigh*

There are days at a time when he only sees the boys for an hour each morning. There are days at a time when he doesn't see them at all... I know it's been hard for him. I know it's been hard for me. And I know it's been hard for Monkey. Budsy's too little to know the difference.

I'm trying really hard not to bother him with extra stuff or ask too much of him.

I'm trying really hard not to feel resentful of his "freedom" on my tough days.

I'm trying really hard not to make him feel guiltier than he already does about not being home.

Had we known what we were really getting into, would our decision have been different? I don't know...

I just wish he was able to be here more. I wish he had more energy to play with the boys. I wish he could have a break. I wish I could have a break.

We keep reminding each other that this will ultimately be what's best for our family... But it's really hard right now.

When I Grow Up...

Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mom. And a stay-at-home one at that.

I started babysitting when I was about 10. My dear aunt actually trusted me with my baby cousin! From there I went on to watching the kids of neighbors and family friends. By the time high school hit, I was funding all activities, clothing purchases, and gas money with weekend babysitting gigs. During college, I nannied over Summers. And even before I got married, I started thinking about the day we would be ready for a family.

What I never really thought about, was what I would do with myself in the meantime.

I majored in History in college. It was a subject I really enjoyed. Plus, it came easy to me and I knew I could ace the classes. It never dawned on me that I would have limited job options with "only" a B.A. in History. So I decided to pursue teaching. What else do you do with a history degree? Then, 2 months before graduation - my acceptance to a teaching program in hand - I decided I didn't want to be a teacher.

Now what?

My parents have never said anything, but I'm pretty sure they were worried about me. Four years at a private university, thousands of dollars of debt, and no plan!?

Luckily, they didn't have to worry long.

My dad was actually the one that got me connected with my first job interview. His boss's friend's boss (got that?) was looking for an entry level analyst at her environmental consulting firm. No experience necessary. Perfect.

And so, two months after graduation, I began my first real job as an Environmental Analyst. I was making $14.00 an hour and I was ecstatic! I had no idea what I was doing, but still!

It turns out that I was pretty good at being an Environmental Analyst. My major actually prepared me pretty well for this line of work - I knew how to critically analyze documents, I knew how to write in a way that the general public could understand, and I was great at doing research. All very useful skills in evironmental consulting work. I caught on quickly and got to be involved in a lot of really neat development projects during the boom of the 2000s.

After getting married, my husband and I decided to move to be near his new job, which meant I had to quit mine. It was the right thing to do, but it was also really hard. I liked my job. I liked my co-workers. I felt guilty for leaving a company that had taken a chance on me, even though I had no experience.

Plus, I had no idea what I was going to do next.

I tried to find work at another environmental company, but nothing panned out. Months went by and I was really getting discouraged. I finally started putting in applications at local cities hoping for a position in a Planning Department. I also enrolled in an extended education class on Urban Planning - anything to boost my chances of landing a job.

Finally, after being out of work for 8 months, I got the call! Entry-level, Planner I at the City of Oceanside. When can I start?

I worked at the city for 3 1/2 years before I had Monkey and I loved (almost) every minute of it.

The work was interesting and challenging. I felt like I was also doing something important for my community. Once I got the hang of it, I actually enjoyed the public speaking involved with Planning Commission and City Council meetings. It was rewarding to know that I was helping citizens with their housing projects and businesses. I learned how to manage a project team, how to manage my time, and how to conduct meetings. I found ways to balance the best interest of the public and the goals of developers. I discovered city politics. I met many, many interesting people and I made a lot of friends.

I believe working at the City of Oceanside had a lot to do with my "miss to ma'am" transformation.

As a result, one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make was whether or not to return to work after my maternity leave was up. I had always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but I had found a job, a career, that I loved. I had NEVER thought about being in that position.

In the end, I knew that I could always return to the work force one day, but my children would only be children for a short time. It was with a truly heavy heart that I told my bosses that I had decided not to return to work.

I think about going back to work sometimes, but hopefully not anytime soon. I'm enjoying my time at home with my children. So for now, I just think of what I may want to do in the future. What will I be when I grow up some more? Will I go back into planning? Back to environmental analysis? Back to school to try something different?

Only time will tell.