When I Grow Up...

Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mom. And a stay-at-home one at that.

I started babysitting when I was about 10. My dear aunt actually trusted me with my baby cousin! From there I went on to watching the kids of neighbors and family friends. By the time high school hit, I was funding all activities, clothing purchases, and gas money with weekend babysitting gigs. During college, I nannied over Summers. And even before I got married, I started thinking about the day we would be ready for a family.

What I never really thought about, was what I would do with myself in the meantime.

I majored in History in college. It was a subject I really enjoyed. Plus, it came easy to me and I knew I could ace the classes. It never dawned on me that I would have limited job options with "only" a B.A. in History. So I decided to pursue teaching. What else do you do with a history degree? Then, 2 months before graduation - my acceptance to a teaching program in hand - I decided I didn't want to be a teacher.

Now what?

My parents have never said anything, but I'm pretty sure they were worried about me. Four years at a private university, thousands of dollars of debt, and no plan!?

Luckily, they didn't have to worry long.

My dad was actually the one that got me connected with my first job interview. His boss's friend's boss (got that?) was looking for an entry level analyst at her environmental consulting firm. No experience necessary. Perfect.

And so, two months after graduation, I began my first real job as an Environmental Analyst. I was making $14.00 an hour and I was ecstatic! I had no idea what I was doing, but still!

It turns out that I was pretty good at being an Environmental Analyst. My major actually prepared me pretty well for this line of work - I knew how to critically analyze documents, I knew how to write in a way that the general public could understand, and I was great at doing research. All very useful skills in evironmental consulting work. I caught on quickly and got to be involved in a lot of really neat development projects during the boom of the 2000s.

After getting married, my husband and I decided to move to be near his new job, which meant I had to quit mine. It was the right thing to do, but it was also really hard. I liked my job. I liked my co-workers. I felt guilty for leaving a company that had taken a chance on me, even though I had no experience.

Plus, I had no idea what I was going to do next.

I tried to find work at another environmental company, but nothing panned out. Months went by and I was really getting discouraged. I finally started putting in applications at local cities hoping for a position in a Planning Department. I also enrolled in an extended education class on Urban Planning - anything to boost my chances of landing a job.

Finally, after being out of work for 8 months, I got the call! Entry-level, Planner I at the City of Oceanside. When can I start?

I worked at the city for 3 1/2 years before I had Monkey and I loved (almost) every minute of it.

The work was interesting and challenging. I felt like I was also doing something important for my community. Once I got the hang of it, I actually enjoyed the public speaking involved with Planning Commission and City Council meetings. It was rewarding to know that I was helping citizens with their housing projects and businesses. I learned how to manage a project team, how to manage my time, and how to conduct meetings. I found ways to balance the best interest of the public and the goals of developers. I discovered city politics. I met many, many interesting people and I made a lot of friends.

I believe working at the City of Oceanside had a lot to do with my "miss to ma'am" transformation.

As a result, one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make was whether or not to return to work after my maternity leave was up. I had always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but I had found a job, a career, that I loved. I had NEVER thought about being in that position.

In the end, I knew that I could always return to the work force one day, but my children would only be children for a short time. It was with a truly heavy heart that I told my bosses that I had decided not to return to work.

I think about going back to work sometimes, but hopefully not anytime soon. I'm enjoying my time at home with my children. So for now, I just think of what I may want to do in the future. What will I be when I grow up some more? Will I go back into planning? Back to environmental analysis? Back to school to try something different?

Only time will tell.

Never Say Never

The most important piece of advice I could offer to a parent-to-be is "never say never".

 

It is something to embrace wholeheartedly as a parent. I promise that if you do, it will save you hours of frustration and guilty feelings. Never say never, because you will most likely be eating that word, along with a big piece of humble pie, at some point in your life.

Before becoming parents, my husband and I were notorious for being the "We will never..." couple. Not that we would ever say anything to an offending parent directly, but we definitely discussed the "never" scenarios with each other. We were going to be perfect parents, raising perfect children.

Well, I prefer my humble pie a la mode.

We will never let our children use a pacifier. It's a bad habit!

Ha! That idea flew out the window before the end of day ONE with Monkey. He just wouldn't stop crying in the hospital and after I had tried feeding him 6 times, changed his diaper 10 times, and rocked him for what felt like hours, I finally gave in to a pacifier. It worked like a charm! He quieted right down, was happy, and fell fast asleep. Lesson learned.

We will never order off the kids menu for our children. It's expensive and a waste! They can eat some of whatever we order!

And on the same note:

We will never let our children scream in a restaurant. It's so rude to the other customers - especially those without kids!

Guess what? I have a picky eater, a.k.a. a toddler. He doesn't want to eat my food. He wants his own food. And right now, all he eats is grilled cheese. I don't want to eat grilled cheese every time we go out. I want my own food. Plus, if I'm going to get through the meal without the screaming, I had better just order the dang grilled cheese!

We will never let our children run around like banshees in a store. It's ridiculous that people can't control their kids!

I promise you, I try really hard to not be "that mom", but there are times when it is flat out IMPOSSIBLE to keep Monkey still and anywhere in the vicinity of where I want him. Add the whole infant situation and there's no way I'm going to always have control. I try, I really do. But Monkey is smart. He figured out within days of Budsy's arrival that there are certain things I cannot do when I have the baby in my arms. Like run after him or grab him out from under a display table.

And this one is a doozy:

We will never threaten or bribe our children to get them to do or not do something. It's all about authority - who's in charge? You or your kids?! Teach your children to follow directions!

Wow! We were so naive!

There are a few things we've learned since becoming parents regarding this one:

First - When kids are toddlers, THEY are the ones in charge. Even if it's not apparent on the surface, believe me, they are. As a parent, you should try really hard to not let them know this. And, regarding directions, the saying is true - trying to get a toddler to follow directions is like trying to herd cats. Try it. You'll see.

Second - It's perfectly legitimate to NOT give a child dessert if they refuse to eat their dinner. It's acceptable, encouraged even, to go straight home if your kid throws sand/sticks/rocks one more time. And sometimes going to bed without books and songs might be just what a kid needs if they're throwing a temper tantrum at bedtime.

And Third - Regarding bribery... *ahem*... we try to limit the treats to a few a day. Now, don't worry, treats aren't necessarily candy and other sweets. They also come in the form of fish crackers, 5 more minutes, trips to the toy store (to play, not to buy - I'd be broke!), and episodes of Thomas the Train. But I tell you what, it's nice to have a few tricks up my sleeves to get Monkey to do things like put toys away, or get dressed, or stop whining because his train fell off the tracks yet again.

These were just a few of the "never" statements that were made over the years prior to having our kids. Over the last couple of years, I have luckily learned to live by my own advice - Never say never.

Who knows? I may even invest in one of those child leashes one of the these days...

Diet Starts Tomorrow!

It's no secret that pregnancy wreaks havoc on a woman's body.

You put on weight every where and in the oddest places (fingers? ankles? nose? I didn't sign on for this!). You can barely sleep. Your skin reminds you of being 15, in a bad way. Your hair goes through a bad hair 9 months. And your back aches likes nobody's business.

Then you have the baby and you think, thank God, now everything will go back to how it was before.

And that is where the big secret lies.

Your body doesn't go back to those pre-pregnancy days. Certainly not right away. And in some ways, never again.

For me, the biggest challenge with both my pregnancies was the weight gain. I knew I would gain weight while pregnant, but I wasn't prepared for how much weight I would put on.

With Monkey, I gained somewhere around 65 pounds. I'm not sure what the final number was, but at my last weigh-in a few days before he was born, I clocked in at 207! I'm only 5'4" folks! Obviously, I took the whole eating-for-two thing too literally. I had kept up with gym appointments the entire pregnancy, but it wasn't enough to counter the cravings. Apparently a slow walk on a treadmill for 15 minutes, three times a week, doesn't burn the number of calories in a large milkshake from In and Out - who knew?

I lost 20 pounds right off the bat, but after that everything stalled. I had always heard that breastfeeding helped you lose weight and I was counting on that being true. Well, this is true, but only to an extent. After 3 months, I was only down another 5 pounds. It took 4 more months to drop another 5 pounds. I found it to be really difficult to diet with a new baby in the house - I ate what I could, when I could. And forget about the gym - I couldn't stand the thought of leaving the baby for an hour, even with Daddy. I also found that my child hated the stroller and as a result, it wasn't at all enjoyable to go on walks.

After an entire year and very little progress, I knew I needed to actually start working at losing the weight. We were talking about having another baby and I dreaded the idea of putting another 60 pounds on top of the 30 extra pounds I was still toting around. So I dragged myself back to the gym and started Weight Watchers. Best decision of my life - I lost 20 pounds in three months!

In the end, it took me almost 2 years to take off the "baby weight". It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But, I'm proud to say that I actually ended up in better shape than I was before getting pregnant with Monkey.

So, when I got pregnant with Budsy, I was determined to do better. I really watched what I ate and I tried to keep up with exercise. I kept my cravings in check as much as pregnant-humanly possible. I didn't do great, but I did better - I put on 50 pounds.

Again, I lost 20 pounds right off the bat. From my previous experience, I knew that with breastfeeding I would lose about 5 more pounds during the first 3 months. So I decided to give myself that 3 months and not worry about actively losing weight - I would just try to eat as healthy as possible and not over-indulge.

Well, Budsy turned 3 months yesterday. I've lost 26 pounds since he was born. Now it's time to get serious. I have signed up with Weight Watchers online and I am determined to lose this weight. My short term goal - 15 pounds over the next 3 months. My long term goal - back to pre-pregnancy weight by the end of summer.

Wish me luck! Diet starts tomorrow!