Sunday, February 26, 2012

I Am A Mommy - Part 1

I have two boys. Let's call them Monkey and Budsy. I have to say that for the most part, I L-O-V-E being a mom. Of course this is extremely hard to remember when I'm trying to get home from the park and the baby is crying because he's hungry (didn't I just feed you?), the toddler is crying because he apparently doesn't want me to drive on the freeway, and the CD of annoying children's songs has started over yet again, but, yeah, overall I love being a mom...

I believe it is impossible to forget the birth of your children. Monkey let me know he was ready to meet us at the crack of dawn on a Friday. I felt the first twinge of a contraction at 4:00 am and immediately sat up in bed.

This is it! Today's the day! Wake up the husband! Get out the watch! Start timing frequency, duration, and tolerance levels! Call the grandparents! Come quick! The baby's coming!

I had taken the classes, practiced my breathing, and mapped out every conceivable route to the hospital. I was ready. This labor thing wasn't so bad. I would make it through without the epidural, just the way I envisioned.

Then everything stopped. I felt bad. Everyone was sitting around my living room. Staring at me. Waiting for something to happen.

What did I know... He was my first child - I had no idea what to expect.

Finally at 5:00 pm the contractions started again. By midnight, I felt like I needed to go to the hospital. I clearly remember thinking "surely I'm close to the end". Contractions were 5 minutes apart, 1 minute long, and had been going like this for 1 hour. 5-1-1. It was in the book. I was still in high spirits and tolerating the contractions pretty well. My plan was falling into place.

Call the doctor! Call the hospital! Get the bag! Get in the car! Make the light or go right through it! Are we there yet!?

What did I know... He was my first child - I had no idea what to expect.

After checking in at the hospital, they checked my progress. Two and a half centimeters.

Wait. What? That can't be right. I'd been laboring for hours! Two and a half centimeters?! What the hell?!

They hooked me up to all the monitoring equipment. Poked my arms a million times trying to place an IV. Made me lie in the bed to get a good reading on the baby's heartbeat. The contractions kept coming. They were getting stronger and closer together. My water broke. I couldn't concentrate on my breathing. I couldn't get a handle on what was happening. Holy crap! Isn't this over yet?!

What did I know... He was my first child - I had no idea what to expect. I can tell you this - Nothing truly prepares you for childbirth.

I finally gave in to an epidural at 8 centimeters. I had been up for 24 hours. Laboring for 12. I was exhausted. I couldn't tolerate it any more. I felt defeated, guilty, sad. I had failed. In retrospect, I wish I hadn't been so hard on myself. After all, he was my first child - I had no idea what to expect.

Finally, after 17 hours of true labor, our Monkey made his debut on Saturday, May 30th, 2009 at 10:45 am. I still tear up when I think about that moment. My husband got to announce that it was a boy. I immediately started crying. I had never felt such joy in my entire life! He was perfect. Ten little fingers, ten little toes. Dimples from the first cry. Big, beautiful, blue eyes. My heart nearly burst from the love I felt for this new little person.

Saturday, May 30th, 2009 at 10:45 am. I became a mommy.


  1. I love birthing stories! Such a crazy, wonderful, scary time. You describe it beautifully here.

    I'll never forget the moment I became a mommy either. :)

    1. Thanks, Tonya! I'm working on a post for R too...